How To Go About Raising Resilient Children

1. Encourage your child to try hard and accept failure as a learning moment

Failure is bound to happen at some point in your little one’s life; whether it be falling off a bike, failing a test or not placing in a competition. Failure is good. I know – that sounds counterintuitive! I genuinely believe it.

Growing up understanding that things will go wrong, things are not always in our control and that sometimes hard work may not always end with the result we want the most, will teach your child a very important lesson.

Resilient children learn very quickly not to give up – that failure is a part of learning and only makes them better in the long run.

2. Encourage your child to problem solve

Although very tempting, it is not always the best idea to run to your child’s rescue when they are struggling with something. Raising resilient children means giving them the independence to make mistakes and figure out solutions for themselves.

By just pausing for a moment, encouraging and actively watching your child, you will see that light bulb moment where they figure something out for themselves and their sense of pride and self worth grows.

Problem solving skills are developed from birth through to adolescence and beyond; from a baby trying to latch on to their mother’s breast, a child figuring out how to stack blocks or learning to ride a bike. The important thing here is to be a present and supportive role model for your child so that they can learn to figure out solutions on their own.

3. Teach emotional intelligence

Children are like little sponges and pick up on everything – including emotional intelligence! Teach your child from as young as possible about emotions and their impact on ourselves and others. You’ll be surprised how much this helps them make sense of the world around them and become empathetic, kind and emotionally resilient children. Through the ability to label emotions, discover what they mean and how they make us feel and act, our children become more self aware, better communicators and more resilient to negative emotions and events they may come across.

This week, my little girl (upon hearing her 3 year old cousin crying) came up to me and said “Mummy, cousin crying. He is sad. He needs cuddle”. She then ran towards him and tried desperately to comfort him in his time of need.

Our 18 month old daughter was able to not only label her cousin’s emotion, but was able to identify what he might like to console him and then attempted to act upon it. #proudmama!

4. Praise their effort – not the result

We often, out of habit, praise the result of something a child has accomplished. “Yay! Well done, you came first place”… “Great job! You made a really delicious cupcake”…  “Brilliant result there! You got an A* on that Science test!” to name a few examples. I was guilty of this too.

Rather than focusing on the result, try to use language to praise the effort that went in to achieving their result. So instead, “Well done on trying so hard in that race! I loved how much effort you put in and watching you smile at the end of the race. You did a brilliant job”… “Well done on your baking! You were so good at stirring all the ingredient together”… “I am so proud of all the revision and effort you put in to revising for that Science test – you really persevered and I know it wasn’t easy.”

By slightly changing our language and our focus when praising our children, we are showing them that what makes us happy isn’t necessarily a positive result, but the process of trying to get there.

5. Communicate often and openly 

Have you ever heard “communication is key?” This is especially important for our little ones. Our children aren’t too different from us after all. Feeling heard, important and part of a secure family unit is a massive ingredient to raising resilient children.

Talk and listen as much as possible – this could be about how their day is going; how your day is going; shared experiences; independent experiences and anything that interests your little ones. It’s great to find common ground and include resilience building activities for them.

6. Teach empathy and gratitude

Teaching children to develop their empathy is so important! By promoting this your child will understand their own emotions and give them a strong sense of security.

It will also allow them to build brilliant, tolerant and respectful relationships with those around them and ultimately make them happier little people.

7. Encourage playtime

Characteristics of a resilient child include those who are able to play independently as well as take an active role in group play. Give your little one plenty of opportunities for a variety of play. Whether this be structured play, group play or independent play – your little one needs time to explore and learn resilience through play and the interactions this will encourage.

As well as lots of playtime, encourage your child to take the time to actively engage in resilience building activities daily. 

8. Be a present and supportive example for your child

Being physically and emotionally present for your child is probably one of the most important things to consider when raising resilient children. Giving one-to-one time to sit and talk, play, sing, dance, or whatever other bonding activity you can think of. 

It is so tempting to sit next to your child whilst they play and scroll through your phone (just quickly checking that work email or the latest insta update) – but what is your child seeing here? We are all guilty of doing this once in a while – and that is fine! But do try to make some time to sit and be completely present with your child.

9. Encourage positive affirmations

I remember watching this clip from ‘The Help’ a while back and thinking “This is brilliant!” Alex and I tuck our little girl in to bed every night saying our own version of this. The aim? To end the day with positive words of affirmation, love and self-acceptance. All our children deserve to feel loved, cherished and know their own worth. Such a beautiful clip!